Conflict between partners and family members can trouble many homes. Sometimes the conflict is emotional, sometimes it is verbal or even physical. How do we tell what causes this conflict; what behaviors are at play? It could be that you assume you are the normal, calm one; your partner is the one who complains about you. It could be that you often think of her as needy, emotional and overreactive.
It’s understandable that conflict is something you want to avoid. In your anxiety to leave, you may sit and pretend to listen while you wonder how much longer it will all take. You may ask yourself, „Why am I still letting myself stay in this situation, where I’m not wanted?“
However, what if something more is going on? What if it’s not that she doesn’t want you? What if she is trying to bring your attention to a bigger wound in your relationship, something that may either save or break the marriage? Is she worth staying and finding out for?
The common law of physics is that every action has an equal and opposition reaction. The same is true of relationships. Your wife’s reaction to you has been caused by an action that you did somewhere along the line, and vice versa.
Do you often think, „What am I am still doing in this place?“ whenever things get bad? If your wife becomes angry and demanding, do you feel that she has no right to make you apologize for anything?
Are you often impatient and anxious to get the fight over with so that you can decide what is best for both of you? Does your wife often say that you don’t understand her, that you don’t care about her feelings?
If you said yes to any of these things, think for a moment. Whatever their cause, these issues are creating a void between you and your wife. You yourself know that the days where the two of you had a relaxing, loving home together are fading.
Think about this for a moment: what is really causing this void? Why are you switching from love to frustration? What is at stake, will your marriage collapse?
Listen:
„For a long time, I tried to avoid conflict at all costs. My wife was so impatient with me in telling me everything I did wrong, and I felt like I couldn’t do anything right in her eyes. Who wants to listen to that? Every fight we had made me feel more isolated, more lonely and more unwanted by her.
I kept wishing she wouldn’t get so angry. I wished she could lovingly tell me that I hurt her, that she could understand that I didn’t mean any harm. I wanted her to show me that I hurt her, but in a way that made me want to change my behavior. Instead, her ways of confronting me made me defend my behavior & protect myself from her vocal disappointment.
It’s different now.
One night I was by myself, going over our fight in my head, and I did a search on “passive
aggressive.” It was driving me crazy to hear her call me this, over and over! I found this
site, and instead of explaining to me why I should believe my wife, this little test was there to
say, “Find out for yourself.”
Amazingly, everything changed after that point. Suddenly, we had a personalized solution for us, one that was working! For years, I’ve been silently struggling to find a way of living together that makes us both feel safe and secure in the relationship; not in danger of losing each other, as I used to feel.
I’m learning how to create better conditions and relationships now, the safe way. Our home feels happier, and we are both glad to be in each other’s company because of it.“
– Alan G., Ontario
Are you ready to find out the truth about this gap, the one your wife says is caused by passive aggression? Find out for yourself, like Alan did, by visiting our Passive Aggression Test here.
Nora Femenia, PHd is a passionated coach supporting people recover from Passive Aggression once and for all. She has created a powerful set of tools that will help you to break out of a mind-set that keeps getting your relationship into trouble, in a very short time. Get started NOW with a free coaching session and be surprised of how much you can change your life with her insights. To know more please visit http://conflictcoach.me
